Grief is different for everyone, depending on so many factors. And even the same grief for the same person can take on so many different forms over time.

Losing the mom I was close to- even though she had lived 90 years- has been difficult since she was the first person who loved me devotedly and unconditionally- and always, even those times growing up that I didn't deserve it.

Add to this that she was in a frail body these past few years and I was her only family member who either directly cared for her or made decisions for her care. The only one who regularly visited with her, read to her and told her that I loved her...and then to watch her slowly leave this world and there was nothing I could do to help her anymore...that was tough. For days, I felt I had to still help her- an irrational, overwhelming emotion that seemed to undo me temporarily. I had to cry out to God to help me place her into His hands. Of course, she already was there...safe, happy and much more alive than she was when she lay in the hospital bed for 9 days in a broken body. But I had to give her to Him and place her there by faith.

So, as the days went by, the intense grief subsided and was replaced with just an occasional longing to go visit her- see her smile at me again- tell me as she always did that I was her "favorite daughter".

It's been exactly three weeks ago today that she last spoke to me. The day before she passed away. I sat by her bed for two hours, reading to her, talking with her and I couldn't seem to stop leaning over to kiss her on the forehead because the day before, we had almost lost her. I was given this extra day. Even the doctor and nurses acted joyful and optimistic that she could recover for a time and go home. But it was not to be. That last time with her on earth when she was able to speak to me I will always cherish. But it's not the last time I will ever see her. I know that I will see her again. Life on earth for any of us is short- 100 years is a blink of an eye. She just went on ahead and in the meantime, I don't have to worry about her.  she is safe, cared for and joyous in His Presence. As much as I loved her, God loves her more and He can take care of her even better than I ever could.